10 Tips for Changing Your Relationship with Alcohol
By Paige Abbott
Changing your relationship with alcohol will be one of the most rewarding things you will ever do (I promise!); however, that does not mean that the early days of changing this entrenched-and-socially-encouraged-habit are easy. Here we outline some of the most frequently used tips to help you change your relationship with drinking and support the journey of change. Before we offer these strategies, we want to provide a few gentle reminders:
You Are Not Alone.
This phrase is often used in 12-Step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous to convey the sentiment that you are not the only one who has had difficulties in their relationship with alcohol. It is comforting to know that others have walked in your shoes and come through the challenges. It is also literally true that you are not the only one who has changed their relationship with alcohol. It is estimated that at least 24% of Canadians are now choosing not to drink-this is well over 7 million people! The next time you feel like you are the only person in your life choosing not to drink, remember all of those millions of others who are sober. Even if you have not met them yet; they are out there.
Know Your Why.
To get you started on your journey of change, be clear on why you are wanting to make this change. This can act as your beacon when you encounter challenges along the way. Without your guiding light, things can get pretty dark. Are you changing your relationship with alcohol because of health reasons? Financial reasons? For your mental health? Has drinking created more problems than solutions? The habit is too habitual? Whatever it is, be clear on your why and have it be personal to you. No one can tell you why you’re doing something other than you. The change will be done by you and, therefore, you need to be invested in it.
10 Tips to Help You Stop Drinking or Reduce Alcohol Consumption:
Detox safely. Alcohol is the only substance out there that detoxing from can be life-threatening. I found this an interesting fact when I first started as an addiction therapist. Because our body’s go into the opposite state that the drug induces in the quest for equilibrium during detox, this means that internal processes speed up and this can lead to seizure risk, which is what leads to fatalities. Having support from a medical professional who can evaluate your level of risk during detoxification and provide appropriate recommendations and support is the best option. If you are considering decreasing the amount of alcohol you consume, it can still be helpful to take a break from alcohol altogether to allow your brain to detoxify. Without this, moving from problematic use to less use can be difficult, if not impossible.
Make plans. Your habitual drinking was always making plans, whether you were aware of them or not. For sobriety, it is important that YOU now be the one making the plans. Be conscious and intentional about your activities, what you are consuming, who you are with, and how to navigate situations and times of day where you would normally drink. Living and “hoping for the best” typically leads to greater challenges for people. This is a time of transition and you need to make new habits through intentionality.
Remove and reduce triggers. Being honest with yourself about all of your known triggers is important in the early days of habit change because you can then alter your actions accordingly. Pay attention to people, places, objects, times of day, times of week, events, situations, feelings, moods, and anything else that has been associated with drinking for you. For example, if you would drink while cooking, you will need to be mindful to ‘cook differently.’ Maybe this means cooking with someone rather than alone, asking for someone else to cook meals while your brain creates some new routines, and/or replacing your alcoholic beverage with something else enjoyable while you cook. Some triggers may be possible to completely reduce in your life (like not going to a bar or pub), whereas others may need to be reduced but cannot be completely avoided (if you drank in your living room you are likely not going to move homes tomorrow). Being thoughtful about how you can healthily navigate triggers with empowerment and confidence is an important part of the change process.
Access and build your support network. As alcohol use increases, it often increases isolation and/or leads people to engage with those who are also heavier drinkers. When you change your relationship with alcohol, your relationships may change. This can feel dispiriting and upsetting initially, and also be quite lonely, which is why many people in early recovery make a point of prioritizing their connections and relationships. Consider those you have grown more distant from-maybe you grew apart because of your increased relationship with drinking. Maybe now there is a chance to reconnect. Also consider healthy family supports and those who can support and encourage you. Don’t forget about new connections too-joining activities, groups, workshops, and doing things that put you in front of other people can be a great way to increase social connection. Your relationship with alcohol will not change in isolation.
Engage in self-care. Prioritize mental, physical, and spiritual well-being through activities like exercise, art, meditation/relaxation, hobbies, social outings, reading, puzzles, time in nature, fun, classes, self-education, and more. Moving away from one thing (alcohol) is not possible by replacing it with one thing. Instead, people benefit from diversity in activities and coping. Therefore, make sure your self-care is multi-faceted and personal to you.
Engage in meaningful and productive activities. When people are drinking more than they would like, other parts of life can build up and become unmanageable. It can be very empowering and satisfying to attend to that long ‘to-do’ list of tasks and projects. For one thing, it feels great to get them done. For another, these tasks are engaging and become their own version of mindfulness which helps our brains to be present and cope with cravings and triggers more effectively.
Remember your ‘why.’ As we mentioned above, it is important that you are clear and honest with yourself about why you are wanting to make these changes. When you encounter tough moments, remembering your ‘why’ is important and can make the difference between an action that you are comfortable with versus an action that you regret. Some people find it helpful to write down the reason they want to make change on a sticky note and post it on their fridge, or in their phone, or in their calendar (basically somewhere that you will see it often and be reminded of it).
Invest in a treatment plan. The combination of self-management strategies (like having a solid nutrition, body movement, sleep, and self-care routine) along with personal support along with professional support creates a new lifestyle that has accountability, continuity, and support within it. Building a plan of how you are going to take care of yourself and who is going to support you is integral for changing one’s relationship with alcohol. If you are a chronic, heavy drinker, you will also need to consider what medical support you are going to draw upon to be able to detox safely.
Get plenty of rest. The life you’ve been living has been exhausting. When people start to change that, the fatigue catches up with them. It is okay to feel drained and in need of more down time, rest, and sleep. Take it! This is your body and mind going through change. It is trying to recover resources that have been depleted and build up resources for life ahead. When people are changing their relationship with drinking they often feel like they are sick with a mild flu or cold for up to a few weeks (or longer) after starting this change. It can be helpful to treat your life as though you are recovering from a mild flu-prioritize the same fundamentals with good nutrition, hydration, gentle body movement, reduced activities, and more time for slowness and rest. It is okay to allow your body to restore and recharge.
Focus on what you’re gaining (not what you’re missing). It can be easy to be caught in the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and thinking about what you are losing or missing by changing your relationship with alcohol. Some of these may be true losses and some may be illusions. Is it really going to be that much of a loss to not feel hungover all day? To not be having evenings that you cannot fully remember? It is also important to remember what you are gaining by changing your relationship with alcohol. In this you may explore the personal, health, relational, professional, and financial gains. You may start to notice small changes right away (clearer mind, more money in the bank account) and this grows over time as you continue on this path. Wherever you are at in your relationship with alcohol, we congratulate you on wanting to make some changes and do things differently. Change isn’t always easy but it is worth it. We wish you all the best in your journey. You’ve got this!
About The Author
Paige Abbott is a Registered Psychologist and Founder of Sana Psychological, a private practice in Alberta supporting addiction recovery and mental health care. Paige has been working with addiction recovery since 2011 and supports addiction of all manifestations, from alcohol to other problem behaviours, including gambling and relationships. Please check out our free resources page, which includes book, app, and video recommendations, as well as free e-books.